Self-injurious behavior is any time someone deliberately damages their body without conscience intent of suicide. Even though it is about feeling better, not dying; self-injury should be taken seriously. Teens that self-injury use it as a coping mechanism to deal with and gain quick relief from painful emotions. Below are several characteristics of self-injurers. Of course, few self-injurers will exhibit all these characteristics.
- Wear long sleeve shirts and long pants in warm weather
- Cuts or burns on the arms or legs – sometimes scratches
- Difficulty identifying and expressing feelings
- Have trouble self-soothing when emotionally distressed
- Perfectionism
- Hypersensitive to rejection
- Lack impulse control
Often parents don’t know what to do or say when they are confronted with a child who self-harms. They may experience a wide range of emotions including: shock, anger, sadness, and guilt. Some blame themselves for the child’s behavior.
What Should Parents Do and Say
● Address the issue - don’t pretend it isn’t happening.
● Speak calmly
● Validate your child’s feelings
● You might ask: “How does self-injury help you to feel better?” or “What can I do differently that you would find supportive?”
●If your child doesn’t want to talk about it, you might say, “I’ll be here when you are ready to talk”.
What Is Not Helpful to Do or Say
● DON’T get into a POWER STRUGGLE. You can’t control your child’s behavior.
● Don’t demand and threaten that they stop hurting themselves this instant!
● Don’t punish them.
● Don’t lecture or yell. Getting angry doesn’t help the situation.
● Don’t say things like, “Are you crazy?” or “I know how you feel.”
How are suicide and self-injury different?
Suicidal behavior and self-injury are not the same thing. With a suicide attempt, the individual is hopeless, has given up on life, and sees this act as the only option. Self-injurious behavior is about feeling better and is one of several possibly ways people respond to stress and overwhelming emotions.
However, self-injurious behavior must be considered serious and is best addressed by a professional counselor.
Self-injury information was provided by Evelyn Wenzel, LCSW, CAP. www.evelynwenzel.com You may contact her at (407)375-1214 or evwenzel@aol.com