Two Tips to Combat Depression

September 13, 2011 in Depression & Anxiety by Evelyn Wenzel

Do you feel like the life has been sucked from you? Depression is responsible. It steals our ability to feel joy and happiness. Depression wants to isolate and keep you from maintaining friendships. Depression sometimes messes with our appetite and our sleep. It brings an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. Ultimately, depression can steal your life through suicide.

Depression makes us think only about the negative past and the hopelessness of the present and future. What can we do?

The first thing that will help is to begin to exercise. When you don’t feel like you have the energy, the last thing you want to do is to begin to exercise. However, exercise has so many benefits and will help get your brain chemistry on the right track again. Tell yourself you don’t have to exercise that streneous. just go on a walk! Listen to music or an audio book. Make your time as enjoyable as possible.

Tip number two to combat depression is to begin to analyze your thoughts. Is this negative thought helpful? Is there evidence to support these dark, depressive thoughts? Emotionally you may feel that these thoughts are true, but are they true, rooted in fact. Facts are grounded. Base your thoughts on truth, not how you feel about it. Remember, not every thought in your head is true.

Finally, if you are feeling depressed and it is interferring with your life, seek out a counsellor. I can help you get well. For more information, email me at evwenzel@aol.com

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Tips to Reduce Stress From Start of School

August 25, 2011 in General Topics by Evelyn Wenzel

Each school year begins with great anticipation and anxiety. Who will my teacher be? Who will be in my classroom? School life includes the pressure to academically excel, the fear of not being accepted by peers or attractive to members of the opposite sex, living up to the unrealistic standards of Madison Avenue, body-image issues, discovering strengths and coping with weaknesses, and the list goes on.

So what are some ways to reduce stress associated with the start of school.
For younger children: The night before school starts (it is a good idea to continue this practice) pack lunches, pack backpack with all needed school supplies and lay out clothes. This helps reduce the amount of stress experienced getting ready for school the next day.

Another tip to help your child is make sure they attend any “meet the teacher” program prior to the start of school. If they don’t have any such meetings, make sure you take your child to their school to see their classroom and meet their teacher. If it is advantageous, if possible for them to meet and play with members of their class prior to the start of school as this will help them feel comfortable when they get ready for that first day.

Tips for teens:
Starbucks is a great teen social gathering place. However, the caffeine in those trendy drinks increase anxiety. Suggest they substitue decaf coffee and their time with friends can remain an afterschool fixture. Unfortunately chocolate also contains a substantial amount of caffeine. Eliminating this from the diet can also reduce anxiety.

Exercise is also important. Even the most unathletic teen can benefit from running or joining the gym. This can also be a social event if needed, but the exercise helps burn off stress. Reduced stress translates into reduced anxiety.

For more information about dealing with stress or school related anxiety, contact Evelyn Wenzel, RCSW at www.evwenzel@aol.com.

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The Help: A Movie About Human Nature

August 18, 2011 in General Topics by Evelyn Wenzel

“The Help” is a must see movie. Although it speaks of a time when African Americans were treated as inferior, invisible people, ironically they were entrusted to raise the children, the family’s most important “commodity”. It shows how, despite such horrendous treatment, these women rose above their environment with a depth of character lacking in most of their employers.

But the movie also exemplifies how groups of people try to make others lesser than (which we see today in schools where the number of children bullied is increasing despite being educated about it). The movie further shines a light on elderly parental neglect, mistreatment of the elderly, and poor mother/daughter relationships.

Despite the strong societal statements being made, redemption shines through at the end. Abilene, one of the characters, noted that the truth set her free and one is led to believe that she sets off on a life of her own choosing. Healing comes to a poor mother/ daughter relationship once the truth about how shamefully the mother treated their “help” came into the light.

Truly this movie has a depth to it unusual in a Hollywood movie; consequently, it speaks to many societal situations today.

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Two Tips for Better Marital Communication During Conflict

June 24, 2011 in General Topics by Evelyn Wenzel

Many couples relate quite well until conflict arises. But once that disagreement begins the “rules of engagement” changes. One tip to relate better during this time is to remember the issue. Now that might seem a simple idea, but it really takes effort to stay on the topic. It is very difficult to remain focused on problem solving the issue. It is during this time that one person will bring up past offenses that seemingly relate. Of couse when this happens, emotions tend to escalate, with one person becoming very defensive. So it is very important to resolve the problem as it occurs presently, not bringing up past or possibly future events. When people stick to the current problem, they often find positive resolutions without becoming overly defensive or emotional.

The second tip is to wait until emotions die down before tackling the impasse. Again, when someone is angry, it is almost like they have “lost their mind”. Once the person is calm and feels ready to discuss the event, it is much easier to resolve the problem.

Learning good communication during conflict is a difficult skill to obtain, but it translates into all areas of life, including work. Be mindful of sticking to the topic and waiting for a time both parties can be calm. Hope this helps.

For more information, contact Evelyn Wenzel at evwenzel@aol.com.

Alcohol fuels Post-Stanley Cup Riot

June 16, 2011 in General Topics by Evelyn Wenzel

Mob mentality took over in downtown Vancouver last night, June 16, 2011. A small group of young adult men began the rampage before the game concluded. Granted the game virtually was over after the first period. This was not a spontaneous event that occured in the emotion of the hour. These men brought bandanas to cover their faces, their identities. Once a few young men began rioting, taunting police, it did not take long for others to join in. Caught up in the moment (and a few drinks), it seemed they found and outlet for their pent up anger.

Alcohol lowers inhibitions. It does not take many drinks to impair thinking and allow sheer emotion to take over. Alcohol limited their ability to assess the potential danger represented here, as noted by a few men jumping over burning vehicles for the fun of it.

Looting began at several stores. Security guards could not deter the crowds at several store fronts and the guard at the Bay was assaulted. Young women also joined in the looting of the stores, grabbing desirable makeup and handbags.

Mob mentality is not rational as noted by the photos and videos. The rampage was viewed more as fun, than a dangerous situation. Those who did not participate in the rioting seemed to view the riot as a large party, taking pictures on their phones and shooting video as well. They posed in front of burning cars, buildings and riot police. They ignored the plea to go home. So even though many vocalized their disgust to local tv reporters, they were still seen downtown hours later. They stayed because of the “excitement and entainment value” provided by the vandalism, tv cameras, and police. Although television cameras recorded the “news”, it also adds a twist because many young people wanted to be on tv; they went in front of the camera numerous times. Perhaps even some of the antics was done solely because a tv camera was pointed their way. Who knows if many by-standers would have left had their been no television presence.

For more information regarding mob mentality, contact Evelyn Wenzel at evwenzel@aol.com.

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Mother of Self-Injurious Teen Offers Hope For Health

June 10, 2011 in General Topics, Self Injury by Evelyn Wenzel

Although I frequently receive emails requesting help finding resources for self-injuring youth, it is not often that I receive an update. It is always heartening when you learn that a teen no longer copes with life through self-harm. Here is the hope one parent offered:

I am happy to report she [the teen] has stopped this behavior [self-injury] completely. I believe it was a combination of the new therapist working with her, her involvement with our church’s “7th grade connect group,” her speaking with her pastor, and our parental support.

My advice for other parents is not to be afraid or embarrassed to reach out for help. We parents can tend to be pretty hard on ourselves and feel guilty for our teen’s choices, assuming it’s a direct reflection of our parenting. In our family’s case, it had more to do with our daughter’s journey of discovering her identity, and how to express it. I believe she now seeks out social connections with her peers in a much healthier way.

While I think parental introspection is an important and a critical part of the healing journey for families with self-injurers, much of the work we found to be helpful comes from resources and outlets which create opportunities for the teen’s coping skills to positively shift. (church, teen support groups, therapist with experience in self injury, school, online resources, parenting support groups).

I would tell any parents with a teen/child suffering with self-injurious behavior there is definitely hope!

This parent also brought up a frequent issue and that is many parents do believe that this behavior reflects on them personally. I am glad she was willing to share this thought and dispel that idea.

If you would like to know more about self-injurious behavior or would like me to speak at a workshop or conference, contact me at evwenzel@aol.com.

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Externalize Anxiety and Begin the Fight

June 2, 2011 in Depression & Anxiety, General Topics by Evelyn Wenzel

“I feel so completely defeated by anxiety!” “Why do I have so many fears?” What would life be like without danger lurking behind every corner?” Sound like you? Life can, indeed, be different.

The first step is to externalize anxiety and begin to recognize that anxiety interjects this mental image, but it never carries it forward. For example, anxiety might project the image that your hotel room will be broken into. You fully accept this image and become frozen in fear with the anticipation of someone breaking down the door. Could this happen? Possibly. But does it take into consideration other variables, such as hotel security, security cameras, inner corridor access, etc. Anxiety does not allow for the probability of the event; it assures you this will happen.

When you see anxiety almost as an external event, you are able to ask yourself if this anxiety filled event is likely to happen? If it did happen, how would the events play out and how likely would it be that these events would all occur? How many times has this happened in the past?

Instead of remaining frozen, sure that this event will happen, now you are able to analyze the situation and take charge of your thoughts. Remember NOT ALL YOUR THOUGHTS ARE TRUE!
Getting to the point where you don’t have to believe every thought in your mind is true will be the beginning of your freedom from the tyranny of anxiety.

To learn more about how you can overcome anxiety, contact Evelyn Wenzel at evwenzel@aol.com.

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Why Do I Self Injure? How Do I Stop?

May 27, 2011 in Self Injury by Evelyn Wenzel | No comments

The author of this self-injury article is Vidisha Patwardhan; High School Sophomore.
If you are reading this article, it is obvious that you are willing to confront your self injuring behavior. Before I go any further, I would like to say that self injury is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a way of coping with life’s stresses (albeit not a healthy one) just like anything else. By the end of this article, I hope that you feel more empowered to talk about how self injury has affected your life, and what you will do to make sure that you have a chance to make the future as good as it can possibly be.

For some of you out there, you might be wondering why exactly you resulted to self injury. Were in you a position where you didn’t understand your feelings but knew that they were too much to handle? Or maybe you were feeling overwhelmed and were having a difficult time coping with life? It is common for many self injurers to be emotionally illiterate, or unable to comprehend their feelings, and why exactly they are harming themselves. If you were experiencing emotionally illiteracy, then it is highly possible that you were extremely confused about your emotions, and self injured to relieve tension. Incorporated into this is the concept of emotional dysregulation, or the lack of grasping emotions. This puts many people in deep turmoil because they aren’t able to deal with all the circumstances in their life. If you fall into either of these two categories, that is most probably the reason for self injury.

If you fall into one of these categories, the first step to your recovery is to understand the severity of what you are doing. But what can you do so that you don’t feel the need to self injure at all? Here are some key tips you can keep in mind:

DISTRACT yourself! If you can keep your mind away from self injury, you will be able to refrain from it. By avoiding it for a period of time, you are more likely to be able to continually resist the urge to self injure.
Keep a journal! Write down everything you are feeling – both negative and positive aspects. That will help you express yourself in a way that will not harm you.

Don’t do any physical harm! Instead of cutting yourself, draw a red mark on your wrist – it will give you the feeling of self injury without the detrimental physical effects.
Expand your horizons! Developing new hobbies will provide you with the opportunity to think about something other than your stresses, and it will also give you another passion and will to live and thrive.
Increase your self confidence! Believe in yourself and have faith that life isn’t always full of bad things.

Self Injury can be treated IF you want to make a change in your life and turn self injury into a thing of the past. I hope that by reading this article, you are more informed about the causes of self injury, and what steps you can take to create a new and improved lifestyle for yourself.

The author of this article is Vidisha Patwardhan; High School Sophomore. This blog is one of many projects she produced throughout the year for an independent research project. Well done, Vidisha.

For more information on self-injury, contact Evelyn Wenzel at evwenzel@aol.com.

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“Why Do I Self-Injure” Article Coming Soon!

May 20, 2011 in Self Injury by Evelyn Wenzel

“Why Do I Self-Injure? How to Stop Self-Injury” will appear next week as an extension of a high school student’s year long research project. The author of the self-injury project approached me last October, 2010 and asked if I would be be advisor for her school research project. She attends an Independent Research Program in Maryland and is a sophmore there. She decided that her research focus would be self-injurious behavior and how Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is used as a treatment for self-injury. (Wow- kudos to the school district that allows students to pursue their own areas of interest!!!!!!)

This is a very motivate and dedicated student. Before contacting me, she had already reviewed information at the S.A.F.E self-injury site. This, by the way, is the best resourse for people who are interested in learning more about self-injury.

Her informative self-injury article willbe published here next week and I think you will be amazed at the depth of her knowledge about self-harm.

For more information about self-injury, contact Evelyn Wenzel at evwenzel@aol.com or call her at (778) 823-1461. She is available for speaking engagements in British Columbia, Florida, Maryland and Washington.

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Celebrity Discloses Self-Injury

May 13, 2011 in Self Injury by Evelyn Wenzel

Isn’t it supposed to be a positive, cathartic experience to disclose emotional problems publicly? Disney star Demi Lovato told tv audiences during a recent 20/20 interview that she had been cutting herself. She stated, in a news release, that she had used self-injurious behavior for instant gratification. This instant gratification was not illuminated upon in the release. But it most likely was a release from tension and anxiety that had been building. by cutting, she was able to experience immediate relief. She did state that “(Cutting was) a way of expressing my own shame, of myself, on my own body. . . I was matching the inside to the outside. . . ” This, of course, means she was physically expressing the emotional pain she felt internally. Demi Lovato also said that she cut herself because of depression and body image issues.

The problem with these celebrity disclosers is that their fans read or hear about self-injurious behavior and then decide that they will try it. As unlikely as it may seem, one of the reasons for the rise in self-injurious behavior has been linked to the number of celebrities who disclose their self-injurious behavior. Other celebrities who have disclosed self-harming behavior includes: Johnny Dep, Angelina Joli, Christina Ricci, and Fiona Apple. So, it may, indeed, be a positive experience for the celebrity who discloses, but a very negative one for their fan base.

For more information about self-injurious behavior or to schedule an appointment for counselling, contact Evelyn at (778) 823-1461.

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